reasonable on Sunday, September 05, 2010

to be or not to be.

aku dah menaip macam celaka tadi tapi last last iphone buat hal. dah la tulis macam curahkan kasih sayang melimpah limpah tak tertadah dek jug apatah lagi tangan. menaip dalam english kot. gila. kejap lagi sebab battery tinggal sikit die keluar from the app. macam cibet. dammit!

so untuk memudahkan aku menaip tatkala sudah berapa beratus jam ku tak sentuh blog ni, aku kosongkan fikiran. so aku sentuhla kali ni memandangkan tengah ade mood untuk menggerakkan segala lumbricals, digitorum profundus dan digitorum superficialis untuk menaip. pfft. tak perlu kot bagitahu muscle tu. gaya cam aku ingat segala bagai. karang tanya pastu jawab i dont know sir. macam haram.

reasonable is a word that i've crossed a lot of time. first hearing it when i was in standard 6. in UPSR theres a part where you should choose which item or gadget you prefer. the cheapest bag? the most expensive bag? neither both of 'em. if you wanted to buy the expensive you should write like this

'i like this bag even its expensive because the price is reasonable.'

what a fag~ i didnt know the word properly yet i used em like its a great effin word. memalukan. aku nak cuba selitkan perkataan reasonable dengan mood aku ni. hayati. *HAHA*

aku ada masalah besar when it comes to anger management. dulu adik aku pernah buat lakhnat dekat bapak aku, so bapak aku tangkap adik aku. die angkat adik aku. and hampir nak campak adik aku masuk parit. omg. seronok gila aku tengok. obviously. unless im at the other end of it. which im not. lepas tengok benda tu, i swear ill be better than my father. i didnt say my father is an ass, dont get me wrong. his teaching is the best and i could say it kinda worked on me. but i knew how bad it looked when he's in THE mood.

tapi aku entah semenjak dua menjak ni aku jadi over. oversensitive. marah gila. benda kecik kot. aku rase amarah itu tak dapat dibendung. frustrated i am. aku marah dengan diri sendiri. rasa marah yang melampau. melampau sangat. rase macam nak bukak hati aku, pastu nak kikis cell cell marah aku tu. tak pun bakar. goreng ke. dammit!

aku punya bengang tadi memang stupid habis. tak pernah marah camni. sampai the first word popped into my mind is cigarette. crap. aku rase nak smoke. fyi, aku tak suke smoke. bau tangan busuk. mulut pun busuk. bibir hitam. hilang sexy. haha. bukan best sangat pun. urgh, anyway, aku gila tiba tiba and rasa nak beli rokok. last last aku keluar pergi lepak lepak mencarut carut sambil makan. nasib baik la azam untuk tidak merokok masa balik malaysia ni kuat.

tup tup aku dah okay. aku tak tahulah kenape mesti aku sensitive dengan benda benda camni. dulu previous incident pun macam ni juga and it end pretty bad. how bad? the fact i needed 2 years of therapy. how fuck is that? heh.

the second million dollar question is am i fucking reasonable after all the shouting and cursing? or am i just a fucker? dammit! shit i guess i knew the answer all along.